CFW Training & I am not an ATM machine

These last two days I have been going with the LEARN/Engineering team to teach the community Road Assistants how to build roads. FH is a fan of the "cascade effect"; we taught the Road Assistants, who will then teach the group of workers that are working under them.

In the morning, the six of us (plus Alfred the driver), pile into the Land Rover and hit the road. Because I am thin, I am squished into the back with another person and all of the tools and teaching materials. It is a tight fit, and it takes a lot for me to stop myself from feeling claustrophobic. We drive for half an hour until we get to one of the sub counties. On Wednesday, we used the FH office as a classroom, but on Thursday we taught in the classrooms of a primary school. There are around 30 Road Assistants that attend the training in each sub-county. The lessons go all morning and afternoon. Our engineers draw diagrams and explain the process of clearing the land, stripping the soil, and constructing the road. We stop around 12 for "break tea" which is yummy milk-tea, fried biscuits and bananas. Lunch is around 3pm, it is posho, beans and chicken or turkey. I hope nobody was offended, but I brought a fork with me because I really don't like eating with my hands and having greasy fingers.

On Thursday, I was so hot that I had to sit outside for fresh air. There were many children playing nearby, since it was a school, and I tried to interact with them. Unfortunately, most of them were afraid of me and would laugh and run away if I approached them. I also met a man named Vincent who is a teacher, and we talked for a while. I was about to go use the latrine, but the FH staff said it was too dirty, and so Eddy drove me on the motor bike to a nicer latrine, which was very thoughtful. I love getting rides on the motor bike. There is nothing like being the only vehicle riding down a long dirt road, in Africa! Around 3:30 we all went outside for the practical application part of the training. The RAs (Road Assistants), measured out a small piece of land and built a small version of a road as practice. A few times I tried to help out. I used the hoe to move some of the brush, and tried shoveling the dirt out of the side ditches. My attempts were hilarious to everyone else. They would all stop to watch and laugh, and then somebody would take the tool from me and continue working. I felt so weak! I could barely get a handful of dirt when I was shoveling. One mad tried to help me out by using his shovel to put dirt into my shovel.. I know, pathetic on my part. By 5 or 6, it would finally start cooling off and angry looking clouds would form in the sky. It's the rainy season now, so in some part of the county there would be rain. On Wednesday I was lucky enough to be in the sub-county that had rain. While everyone else was shivering and complaining that it was cold, I was sitting out in the rain enjoying the comfortable drop in temperature. After the practical part, we would go back inside to conclude the training and pay everyone for their transportation expenses. Driving back in the rain was like riding a roller coaster, we were slipping and sliding everywhere on the muddy dirt roads. I would get back to the house around 8, eat, and then hang out with Cassie, Tim and Ryan before bed.

On Wednesday I had one particularly uncomfortable interaction: I was walking back to the office/classroom after the practical lesson in the field. Some guys behind me we laughing and yelling to me "we like the way you walk Munu" ("munu" means white person). I ignored them. One of the men ran up to walk beside me.
He said "I like the spectacles on your head", talking about the sunglasses I was wearing.
I thanked him.
"Give them to me"
"No, these are my glasses, I need to wear them" (it's true, the sun is so bright, I can't see without them)
"Well then you will give me something else"
"That is not a nice thing to say to me" I replied. Then I sped up to walk by myself.
Now, I am sure it seems like I was being rude or selfish. I know that in comparison, I am incredibly wealthy, and could afford to buy myself a new pair of glasses or to give something else to that man. But it's the principle of the thing. It makes me really uncomfortable when people demand that I give them things. In America, it is very rude to order people to do anything. IF we absolutely have to ask for something, we sugar-coat the request so that it sounds something like this: "I'm really sorry to have to ask..and you really don't have to say yes if you can't, or don't want to...but if it wouldn't be too much trouble, could I please borrow ________..." Which is why I am taken aback when somebody comes up to me, without even knowing who I am, and says something along the lines of "white person, give me something". NO! I am here as a student, to learn and to help out at the FH office. I did not come to give out the little money that I brought with me, unless I know the person and feel like I am called to share with them. On the other hand, It's not fair for me to be too critical of another culture. Here, where people have so little, they don't really have much of a choice but to ask for things when they need them. And as unhappy as it makes me, the perseption of white people among many Africans is that we are all fabulously rich and carry around large sums of money that we are going to pass out to whoever asks. And when you are in a desperate situation, why not at least ask? Who cares if it makes the white person uncomfortable? You probably wont see them ever again anyways. Wow, I must sound really upset. I am a little bit. I just don't like how in many cases I am seen as an opportunity, not a human being. Most people don't want to be my friend, they want me to be their benefactor. I guess I am just at a point where I want to be seen as a person again, not an ATM machine.

This week has been stressful for me. I was giving those registration forms to type up, but no time to actually type them. I was given another big stack on Monday, then went to the field on Monday and got back after 8pm. Then all day Tuesday we had the going away ceremony for the ladies. Wednesday morning they asked me if I had finished, which I hadn't, and then I needed Ryan and Cassie to help me type them up in the thirty minutes before they needed to be completed (though I was not given any time frame until that morning). Then I spent all day Wednesday in the field, until after 8pm and was too tired to type them up at night. Thursday morning the papers had been moved by somebody so I spent the morning finding them and then went out to the training until 8pm. I was told I should try to finish them Thursday night, but when I got back, somebody had taken them again and I could find them. So now it is Friday, I decided to stay here for the day, and I still can't complete the typing because the forms are missing again. It's very frustrating.

Last night I got really car sick on the way home from the field. It was all I could do to not throw up. When i was finally dropped off at the guest house, I collapsed on my bed and started crying. I was so homesick, I just wanted to be home with my family. It's not that anything was actually bad about my day, I was just in one of those moods where I needed to be out of here and back home. Only 13 days until I get to be back in the USA.