Friday-
Thank God I made it to Friday. I just want to be in a comfortable place again.
Everyone was is a pissy mood this morning. The drive to our interviews feels longer and more uncomfortable every time we have to squeeze into the taxi to do it. We were all tired of the interviews. I am sure this all sounds immature, and people who weren't with us probably wonder why we disliked this week so much. I personally didn't mind the interviews. I was happy to know that each one helps FH guide their aid and development work to be more affective. But it is hard to have such extreme poverty shoved in your face. Our mornings are filled with coming to terms with how poor, sick and hungry most Rwandans are. I can't speak for others, but I know I certainly felt a lot of guilt when I thought back to my home in America, and how much I have that these people will never see in their lifetimes. Then having to spend the nights at TTC where we could never be alone, or have privacy. We spent this week tired, hungry, and feeling dirty and smelly. We were stared at wherever we went, and could never feel normal or at ease. It's just been a tough week, and there were points where I didn't think we would make it to the end.
Our interviews were in a new district today. All the neighbors were interested to see us. I think this area must have almost no contact with white people because all the children surrounded us and were touching our arms and hands, fascinated to see if our skin felt the same as theirs. During one interview, two adorable little girls climbed all over me rubbing my arms, and playing with my hair. they would take my long hair and put it on their heads and pretend that it was theirs. Then they would fix it by putting it behind my ears, and looking at my earrings.
During the third interview, I was asking the questions. I asked how many meals the family eats a day. The father replied that when crops are good, the family eats two meals a day, but when they are bad, they all only eat one meal a day. This week I have been mostly able to put this kind of information into the back of my mind to get through it, but I nearly lost it today. Tim and Cassie were on either side of me and noticed that I was having a hard time. I started tearing up. They both leaned of and wrote "hang in there" on my paper. I made it to the end, but it was tough. At the next house, the older woman who we interviewed look at me and asked me to pray out loud for her because she has one eye that is blind. I get really nervous when I am asked to pray on the spot. I don't know why but I just get stage fright or something. But I said the best prayer I could come up with and prayed with a shaky voice. I hope it was okay. I've never been one to create long winded and drawn out prayers. Mine are always short and simple. We interviewed one household where I didn't like the people we met. The two sisters that lived together kept leaving the room with a stick and beating the neighborhood children that were outside trying to watch. Most of the families have been so kind and children seem to feel free to come sit inside houses to watch, but not with these two women.
We got out last six interviews done before lunch and then met up with the group. We were all ecstatic to be finished. We went back to TTC and I laid in bed for a while. I got really homesick. Yesterday I had written a list of all the foods and activities I missed from home, which didn't do much to make me feel better. I listened to my iPod and tried to nap. I called my mom at work from my cell phone. It was so relieving to hear her voice. I could talk for long because it was expensive, but I needed some encouragement to get through the rest of our last day. Only one more month until I get to go home and see my family and friends! I am building it up in my head, but I also worry about re-entry. How will I face the lavish life I have been give? The richest family we interviewed made about $30 a month for the entire family to live one. Every penny was spent of schooling and food. So many parents going hungry so that their children can eat. Why was I so blessed? Why am I having such a hard time processing what I am seeing? Sometimes I am really interested in how people are able to live on so little, sometimes I block it out, but I always feel like I have fountains of tears inside that are bottle up beneath the surface.
I took a walk with Morgan, Rachel, Ryan and Nathan. When I came back I was invited to visit with some Rwandan girls in their room. Everybody thinks my name is Candle. It's funny. They showed me their picture albums of their families and wanted to know why I didn't bring a picture of myself for them. It was really awkward for me because if I commented that somebody was pretty, the girls would ask "prettier than me?". They kept insisting that I had to give them something of mine for them to remember me by. They kept asking me for things. It wasn't fun anymore. I hate feeling like my friendship is conditional on what I am going to give people here. I feel like I can't be friends with people here without them wanting something from me. Then one girl said to me after only ten minutes of talking "Candle, we are friends. I love you. I would like to sleep in your bed tonight". I avoided that one and changed the subject. There is no way that I feel comfortable sharing my bed with anyone I don't know, let alone somebody who sleeps naked. AWKWARD!
I went to choir practice with one girl for a few minutes and then went to eat dinner. When the food came out something smelled like manure, and we were all wondering what smelled so bad. The I got to the pot of meat and realized that the meat was what smelled like poop. I'm not exaggerating, we were all gagging. (Don't worry, we were left alone to eat so we weren't offending anybody. We asked what the meat was and were informed that it was cow tongue and cow intestines. I couldn't do it. All I had was a few sweet potatoes. We were all in a funk after diner and just wanted to go home.
Aryn had coordinated with one of the Rwandan leaders, Joseph, for us to have a little festival with the students to share dances from our culture. We practiced some line dances and learned The Superman dance. A huge crowd came to the dining hall. Joseph got up and gave a speech. He said "I am happy that you have not yet overstayed your welcome. We would like for you to stay at least one or two months more with us." If was funny because our whole group forced a "Hah" sound. We performed our dances, and Rob sang the American national anthem. Then the Rwandan students made our acts look like jokes (which the were because we did the Macarena and the Soulja Boy Superman dance). They did their amazing traditional dances and then invited us to try to do them as well. It was really cool. Then Joseph got up to announce that is was now time for "general dancing". We were excited at first because we thought everyone would join in. Then Joseph announced that we would begin with the American boys choosing female partners from the school's staff, and the Rwandan male staff members picking American female students as partners. Why did it have to be so formal?! So we had to dance with our partner in front of a huge audience to American R&B music. It was very awkward. After the first dance only a few other students joined in. A bunch of guys kept dancing with me and some of them got a little bit fresh so I would leave them and try to dance by myself. I felt really uncomfortable that we were basically dancing for an audience. I left after a few songs to take a bucket bath and go to sleep. Tomorrow we get up at 4:30 am to leave. We are going on a safari on our way back. I can't wait to get to Kigali.
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