Bags are packed

The last few days have been joyously relaxing. I have done a lot of napping and watching movies. There are more than a few things that I love about our Kigali house, but right now, I am just ecstatic to have a real toilet, showers and Aidah's cooking!!

We were going to leave Friday for Kampala, but Aryn went to buy our tickets and Friday was sold out so now we are leaving Thursday. We leave half of our group here for their internships. The half of us going to Kampala will be splitting up on Tuesday to go to our separate sites. Only one day left together. It's really sad. Time has flown by so quickly!

Today I went to Kimironko market with Susan to buy fabric. Riding public transportation is not my favorite thing to do. It requires a lot of squeezing in to a small space, and then getting out and rearranging every time somebody is let off. Kimironko was bustling with people. We headed towards the fabric section. I immediately saw some patterns that I liked and haggled the prices down. There is nothing more satisfying than walking away and then having the person pull you back and accept your price. I saw a really pretty pink tie-dye wrap with beads on the ends. I bought it, but then quickly felt buyers remorse as I saw the other colors of the same thing that other booths had. I asked a different shop keeper if I could trade my pink one for her blue one. All the women around burst into laughter and continued thinking it was hilarious for another ten minutes. Then one lady came up with a blue one and exchanged it with mine, so I did end up getting the color I wanted.

We came back for lunch and then did some packing. Why did I only bring a small duffel bag, shoulder bag, and a back pack? I can just barely fit my souvenirs from Rwanda in.. let alone the ones I left in Uganda, or the ones I plan on buying Friday at Friday Market. This is not good! He had dinner and then our last Owning Poverty session. We talked about our time together and our fears and expectations about practicum.

Tried to work on my paper that is due Wednesday at 10pm.. failed. better luck tomorrow :)

Akagera Safari and Kigali at last!

Saturday-

I jumped out of bed when I realized we were going home and I quickly packed my suitcase, used the squatty potty one last time and ran to the van. i wanted to get a decent seat for the ride home and the safari. Aryn shouldn't have been surprise that our group was all at the van waiting for her. We were all so incredibly ready to leave. We piled in and hit the road.

We got to Akagera game park around 7:00 am for our safari. I had been a little bit reluctant to go because I wanted to get back to Kigali, but it was SO worth the few extra hours and the $35. We got to drive down onto an open grassland and get out to take pictures of the zebras and giraffes. My African experience is now complete, I had been waiting to see a giraffe. We got to get so close to them!! Giraffes are so majestic! I love them so much. And nothing is cooler than seeing them in their natural habitat. I'll never appreciate a zoo again! I can't believe I was 100ft away from a real, live tall giraffe. Zebras are also really cool. My camera doesn't always take very good pictures, but I got a few really good ones.

We picked up a Rwandan named Tito that needed a ride to Kigali, and drove back to the city. Aryn pre-ordered some pizzas from Sole Luna, and really good restaurant. We got there and before they staff could finish passing out plates, we had already devoured a third of the pizzas. The fifteen of us ate thirteen pizzas in twenty minutes. It was fantastic.

I was so happy to see our house in Kigali. I don't think you can truly appreciate how wonderful a toilet is until you have lived a week without one. And my bed!! My beautiful, wonderful, comfortable bed!! And technology! It's safe to say I was glued to my lap top for the rest of the night catching up on emails, figuring out housing for next year, and uploading pictures. Aidah (I've been spelling it Ida this whole time) is amazing. I love that woman. She made us enchiladas and SALAD and chocolate cake for dinner. I don't think she knows how much we missed her. All week everyone kept saying how they couldn't wait to get home to Aidah. I had been in such a hurry to leave this morning that I didn't brush my hair.. and I didn't brush it all day until I went to bed. It's good to be home!

(looking good after waking up at 4:30 and not brushing my hair and sleeping in the van)

Coolest animal EVER

Field Research week- Friday

(copied from journal)

Friday-

Thank God I made it to Friday. I just want to be in a comfortable place again.

Everyone was is a pissy mood this morning. The drive to our interviews feels longer and more uncomfortable every time we have to squeeze into the taxi to do it. We were all tired of the interviews. I am sure this all sounds immature, and people who weren't with us probably wonder why we disliked this week so much. I personally didn't mind the interviews. I was happy to know that each one helps FH guide their aid and development work to be more affective. But it is hard to have such extreme poverty shoved in your face. Our mornings are filled with coming to terms with how poor, sick and hungry most Rwandans are. I can't speak for others, but I know I certainly felt a lot of guilt when I thought back to my home in America, and how much I have that these people will never see in their lifetimes. Then having to spend the nights at TTC where we could never be alone, or have privacy. We spent this week tired, hungry, and feeling dirty and smelly. We were stared at wherever we went, and could never feel normal or at ease. It's just been a tough week, and there were points where I didn't think we would make it to the end.

Our interviews were in a new district today. All the neighbors were interested to see us. I think this area must have almost no contact with white people because all the children surrounded us and were touching our arms and hands, fascinated to see if our skin felt the same as theirs. During one interview, two adorable little girls climbed all over me rubbing my arms, and playing with my hair. they would take my long hair and put it on their heads and pretend that it was theirs. Then they would fix it by putting it behind my ears, and looking at my earrings.

During the third interview, I was asking the questions. I asked how many meals the family eats a day. The father replied that when crops are good, the family eats two meals a day, but when they are bad, they all only eat one meal a day. This week I have been mostly able to put this kind of information into the back of my mind to get through it, but I nearly lost it today. Tim and Cassie were on either side of me and noticed that I was having a hard time. I started tearing up. They both leaned of and wrote "hang in there" on my paper. I made it to the end, but it was tough. At the next house, the older woman who we interviewed look at me and asked me to pray out loud for her because she has one eye that is blind. I get really nervous when I am asked to pray on the spot. I don't know why but I just get stage fright or something. But I said the best prayer I could come up with and prayed with a shaky voice. I hope it was okay. I've never been one to create long winded and drawn out prayers. Mine are always short and simple. We interviewed one household where I didn't like the people we met. The two sisters that lived together kept leaving the room with a stick and beating the neighborhood children that were outside trying to watch. Most of the families have been so kind and children seem to feel free to come sit inside houses to watch, but not with these two women.

We got out last six interviews done before lunch and then met up with the group. We were all ecstatic to be finished. We went back to TTC and I laid in bed for a while. I got really homesick. Yesterday I had written a list of all the foods and activities I missed from home, which didn't do much to make me feel better. I listened to my iPod and tried to nap. I called my mom at work from my cell phone. It was so relieving to hear her voice. I could talk for long because it was expensive, but I needed some encouragement to get through the rest of our last day. Only one more month until I get to go home and see my family and friends! I am building it up in my head, but I also worry about re-entry. How will I face the lavish life I have been give? The richest family we interviewed made about $30 a month for the entire family to live one. Every penny was spent of schooling and food. So many parents going hungry so that their children can eat. Why was I so blessed? Why am I having such a hard time processing what I am seeing? Sometimes I am really interested in how people are able to live on so little, sometimes I block it out, but I always feel like I have fountains of tears inside that are bottle up beneath the surface.

I took a walk with Morgan, Rachel, Ryan and Nathan. When I came back I was invited to visit with some Rwandan girls in their room. Everybody thinks my name is Candle. It's funny. They showed me their picture albums of their families and wanted to know why I didn't bring a picture of myself for them. It was really awkward for me because if I commented that somebody was pretty, the girls would ask "prettier than me?". They kept insisting that I had to give them something of mine for them to remember me by. They kept asking me for things. It wasn't fun anymore. I hate feeling like my friendship is conditional on what I am going to give people here. I feel like I can't be friends with people here without them wanting something from me. Then one girl said to me after only ten minutes of talking "Candle, we are friends. I love you. I would like to sleep in your bed tonight". I avoided that one and changed the subject. There is no way that I feel comfortable sharing my bed with anyone I don't know, let alone somebody who sleeps naked. AWKWARD!

I went to choir practice with one girl for a few minutes and then went to eat dinner. When the food came out something smelled like manure, and we were all wondering what smelled so bad. The I got to the pot of meat and realized that the meat was what smelled like poop. I'm not exaggerating, we were all gagging. (Don't worry, we were left alone to eat so we weren't offending anybody. We asked what the meat was and were informed that it was cow tongue and cow intestines. I couldn't do it. All I had was a few sweet potatoes. We were all in a funk after diner and just wanted to go home.

Aryn had coordinated with one of the Rwandan leaders, Joseph, for us to have a little festival with the students to share dances from our culture. We practiced some line dances and learned The Superman dance. A huge crowd came to the dining hall. Joseph got up and gave a speech. He said "I am happy that you have not yet overstayed your welcome. We would like for you to stay at least one or two months more with us." If was funny because our whole group forced a "Hah" sound. We performed our dances, and Rob sang the American national anthem. Then the Rwandan students made our acts look like jokes (which the were because we did the Macarena and the Soulja Boy Superman dance). They did their amazing traditional dances and then invited us to try to do them as well. It was really cool. Then Joseph got up to announce that is was now time for "general dancing". We were excited at first because we thought everyone would join in. Then Joseph announced that we would begin with the American boys choosing female partners from the school's staff, and the Rwandan male staff members picking American female students as partners. Why did it have to be so formal?! So we had to dance with our partner in front of a huge audience to American R&B music. It was very awkward. After the first dance only a few other students joined in. A bunch of guys kept dancing with me and some of them got a little bit fresh so I would leave them and try to dance by myself. I felt really uncomfortable that we were basically dancing for an audience. I left after a few songs to take a bucket bath and go to sleep. Tomorrow we get up at 4:30 am to leave. We are going on a safari on our way back. I can't wait to get to Kigali.

Field Research week- Thursday

(copied from journal)

Thursday-

Dwight told Aryn last night that now he needs us to finish at least 100 interviews by the end of the week. So in the typical American fashion of doing the bare minimum, we figured out that we would only need to do five today and and five tomorrow to fill our quota. We decided to power through our interviews before lunch and then be done for the day.

Once again, I met some incredibly cute babies today, and I would adopt them all if I could. I wish I could give them all a bath, clean cloths, a pair of shoes and a good meal. Our interviews took us until 12:30 to complete. Tim reached into his pocket and pulled out a handful of g-nuts to eat. He didn't realize until he had started chewing that he had also picked up a liquid Advil that had been in his pocket. So his whole mouth went numb. It was funny.

We got back and I took four hour nap. In the afternoons I really just want to be alone and sleeping is a good way to escape how uncomfortable I feel and how hard it was to see the poverty. We had dinner. I feel bad that we get decent food and the students here have the same thing every single day. I felt sick from eating too much. Susan and I visited a room of girls. They were very sweet and asked us a lot of questions about the US. They keep asking when we will pay for them to come to America. My response is always "if you buy your ticket and come to America, you are welcome to stay with me". They had bought a pineapple in town and wanted to share it with us. It was the best tasting pineapple I have had (and we have only been eating starches potatos, beans and rice, so having fruit was awesome). Poor Susan doesn't like pineapple so I tried to eat most of it. It was pretty awkward when the girls told us that our lives have been so much easier than theirs. It is totally true, but how do you respond to that? "I'm sorry" ?

I typed up my interviews and then played cards with my friends. Went to bed early again

Field Research week- Wednesday

(copied from journal)

Wednesday-

I slept well last night, probably because I was so exhausted from yesterday. The Rwandans got up at 5am again and turned on the lights. Puvii got up and turned them off again, so the students shuffled around in the dark until 6am. On thing that makes me uncomfortable is that the Rwandan girls walk around our dorm all morning naked or half naked. I am a pretty modest person, so I feel really awkward waking up to a bunch of naked girls mopping the floor. The guys in our group don't have a nice new bathroom to use, so they are doing worse than us, because they are very uncomfortable and apparently the guys dorms smell horrible. They said the guys get up at 5am too and dance around to the radio naked. Joy.

At our first interview today, we asked a young girl questions about her family because her parents were out in the field working. Her 50-something year old father came home at the end of it and was very excited to see us. He asked how old I was and didn't believe that I am 20. Then he had Felix tell me that I am his white wife. He shook my hand at the end of the interview but wouldn't let go and led me by the hand to our next interview which was pretty awkward. Then we kept trying to play with my hair and take pictures of me. WEIRD! I was polite, but inside all I could think was "Stay away from me, and go hit on somebody your own age!"

I saw the most adorable children and got to hold a beautiful baby that I didn't want to give back. We did four interviews before lunch and two after lunch. Today went a lot better than yesterday did because we weren't as tired and cranky, but it was still at least emotionally exhausting.

We came back and took naps again. Then we played volley ball with the students here. Our game attracted a big crowd. Everyone laughed at my spastic jump when I try to hit the ball. I can't help being completely uncoordinated! Dr. Dwight, Nathan from FH, and a businessman came to say hi. They are in the area finding a place to build a resort/safari lodge to make jobs for people. In America, we tend to dislike developers that want to plop a bunch of building down on what used to be a nice field, but here it really is a great way to help people get jobs. Here we want development.

We ate dinner and then I went to some of the rooms to talk to the students. The girls were very nice. Then I helped type up our information from today. I took another bucket bath. a bunch of girls came and sat on my bed and asked me to pray for them. then they took my journal and started reading it out loud and writing down the vocabulary words they didn't know.. Thankfully they read from the beginning, when I was still at orientation. There was no sense that my journal might be private. Then they brushed my hair, which was awesome. They can play with my hair as much as they want as far as I am concerned, I love that.

I miss American food. I miss personal space. I am normally very happy to be surrounded by people, but here we just get stared at all the time, and I am so emotionally drained from the day that I want to be left alone. This is like going to a very uncomfortable summer camp.

Field Research week- Tuesday

(copied from journal)

Tuesday-

I had a horrible nights sleep. We went to bed very early last night, but the Rwandan students stayed up with the light on until at least midnight. The were talking at 2am, and then turned the lights on at 5am and started mopping the floor. All morning until I got up at 6:45 I could hear the mops banging up against the bed frames as they tried to get under our beds. I was really cold and grouchy when I got up.

Breakfast was eggs on chipote, with milk tea (boiled mile with tea and sugar mixed in). We drove about a half hour to pick up our interpretors who stayed in the village for the night. half of our group waited for the others to get dropped off at their site, and for the taxi to come back to get us. We sat around outside a some sector government building (I think). a huge crowd of Rwandans gathered and stared at us. I think they must have Mzungu sensors, because a crowd always gathers wherever we go. I took a picture of a really adorable girl that was playing in the dirt, then some guy came up and told me I needed to pay them for the picture I just took. I apologized, and stopped taking pictures.

We went to three households with Felix to do interviews. The interviews were about five pages long, and had various questions about the households and their health, educations and financial situations. One of us will ask the questions for Felix to translate, while the other two write down observations in a notebook, or play with kids. The families were all very poor. The first interview we did was with a man who was a widower. he was very friendly and joked that he didn't need to keep going for HIV tests.. because (duh), his wife died. Cassie, Tim and I were a good team. all of the families were very nice to us, and the neighbors were curious to see what we were doing, so they would stand nearby and watch. People seemed to laugh a lot when we asked if they went for Family Planning.. most families had about 10 children. The children in the village were excited to see us and wanted to play with us or just look at us. It was hard to see such beautiful kids be so underfed, and clearly suffering from skin infections and other illnesses.

We were all very tired when it was finally lunch time ad we met up with the rest of the group. We at what the school had packed for us - two tree tomatoes, a piece of bread and a hard boiled egg. Not very filling. Everyone was in a terrible mood and wanted to call it quits for the day. We decided that since everyone had completed at least three interviews, it was time to go back, because we were all too tired and grouchy to do any more interviews.

We got back to Matimba and got in bed. We all took about a three hour nap, that was really satisfying. I spent about thirty minutes talking with some Rwandan girls. It was a little bit awkward because of the language barrier, but I was happy that they seemed to want to talk to me. At dinner we met the school's only American teacher. Her name is Susan and she is here with a program called World Teach. She was very sweet. I have so much respect for her, I think she must feel really lonely and isolated out here. Dinner was pretty good. I felt dizzy and sick, probably from dehydration. I typed up the interview I did today on Tim's laptop. Poor Tim had the snacks he had brought with him stolen from his bag while we were gone. He was really upset. I would be mad too if somebody went through my bag and took my stuff, especially food because we are always hungry here. But I guess I can't blame the students for wanting to eat something that wasn't beans, rice or porridge.

Vestine and I too a jerry can to get water and take bucket baths. I love Vestine, she is very funny. She definitely does not enjoy roughing it. My bucket bath was surprisingly satisfying. I used a bowl with about a gallon of water in it to wash my body and my hair. I was very proud of myself for being able to use so little water. The only negative to bucket baths is that it is cold water, so I didn't feel as clean as I would have if it had been warm. The Rwandan girls told me I was sick when I came back into the room. I told them I wasn't and they kept insisting that I was sick. Then one of them said that they saw me taking a pill. I realized that they thought my malaria pill was medicine. I explained that the medicine prevents me from getting malaria. It was nice that they were concerned.

Field Research week- Monday

There is a lot to write about this past week, so I am going to copy most of it from my journal. Enjoy:

Monday- Today we drove four hours to the Eastern Province of Rwanda. We will be interviewing "at risk" families in the communities that FH supports so that the organization can have a better idea of what their program should be focusing on. We have gotten really spoiled riding our nice big bus to school everyday, so we all groaned when we saw the small taxi that we would be riding in this week. (Picture a van that a little bit bigger than a mini-van, more box shaped, with four rows of seats in the back. It is impossible for anybody to be comfortable because the benches are so close together that only a child's knees wouldn't be squished up against the seat in front of her). These taxis bearably sit three to a row, but we had to fit four to a row. I was lucky and claimed a seat in the front row, which has more leg room. We stopped halfway to wait for the truck that was carrying our luggage to catch up. We got out and went to use somebody's latrine. When we got out, a big crowd gathered to look at us. One girl that was mentally ill came up to us and starting wailing and screaming at us. She grabbed at our belongings and was trying to take our stuff. Our driver kept pushing her back. It was a little bit scary, but also very sad.

We got to Matimba and went through the gate onto the compound for the TTC (teacher's training college). It was like pulling into a summer camp. There were big concrete buildings full of bunk beds, and a few classrooms. All of the students here are between the ages of 17-24. They crowded around to great us and then helped us bring our bags to our rooms. We are staying in a big concrete room full of other female Rwandan students. The girls that have bottom bunks gave them up for us and shared the top bunk this week. They helped us make our beds and folded our sheets in cool designs for us. They were friendly, but very shy, and I think nervous to use their English to talk to us. They kept asking how old I was and ten laughing when I said 20, because apparently I look 16. We went to use their latrine and I almost threw up. It smelled worse than any one I have used yet, and the hole in the ground was crawling with flies. I almost cried because I couldn't imagine using it for a whole week. I can deal with roughing it, but I can't handle having unsanitary and smelling latrines. Luckily we found out later that they had built brand new latrines with porcelain squatty potties (basically a porcelain bowl in the ground to squat over), and they were going to open it for us to use. I almost cried again with relief.

We went to a classroom and, Joseph, the head of discipline, told us all of the rules. We also talked about tomorrow and split into our interviewing groups. I am with Cassie and Tim, and our interpretor's name is Felix Safari. We went to the dining hall for dinner. It is a new compound, so right now the dining hall only has three tables and we were the only ones to eat in it. The students take their food back their dorms. Thankfully their cooks prepared us a different meal than what the students normally eat. We got sodas (I love Citrus Fanta). They made us rice, sweet potatoes, matooke, and some kind of sauce to put over it. It was pretty good. We were very hungry, because they didn't have dinner ready until 8:15. I got in bed at 9:30 and went to bed.

Leave you with a picture

We got back from our week of field research today. It was a fantastic home coming. This week was long and overwhelming. I honestly don't really want to write about it today, so I thought I would leave you with a picture of just one of the many adorable babies I saw this week. For more pictures, check out my Facebook albums. Check back tomorrow, I will be sure to write before the weekend is over.

Weekend at Lake Kivu

After a morning of final presentations of Friday, we left for Kibuye. Our group included the Go Ed students, Aryn, Vestine and Pastor Anastase (our professor). The driver said it was a 2.5 hour drive to our guest house, but it ended up being more like 4 hours. We always take the same bus on our field trips. It is a big, white van, with the word "JUST" written across the top of the windshield. It is written in a weird font, and for the first couple days I thought it said "LUST", and that we were riding the "Lust bus"! Our driver has all his music on tapes. The one that we listen to every day on the way to class, or on field trips has about six songs on it. They are hip-hop/R&B songs that were popular in the US last summer. at first it was a lot of fun to hear them because I knew every word and could sing along. One a four hour drive, when the same six songs are played over and over again, you start going a little bit crazy!! The best thing about the drive was the view. There is no way to explain such glorious beauty! We pulled off to the side of the road for a short break and looked over the cliff at the green, rich valley below. Rwandan farmers use the trellis system, so up the mountain walls are shelves of crops. It is really fantastic. There were sheep walking around, and they let me walk up really close to them. I walked down to a small waterfall, and stood among the tall trees that had orange moss growing on them. I felt like I was in a mystical place.

We arrived at our guest house as the sun was starting to set. It looked like a tropical paradise. There were palm trees and tons of beautiful, brightly colors flowers. I shared a bedroom with Susan and Morgan. Simple concrete rooms, with three beds and a small bathroom, but in my mind, they were very comfortable. We went down to the restaurant that overlooks Lake Kivu and had a buffet dinner that was pretty good. It's too bad we don't have good Fanta in the USA - made with real sugar and packaged in nice glass bottles.

Susan, Shelby, Emily, Tim, Janae, Nathan, Ryan and I gathered in Shelby and Emily's room to play games. I jokingly suggested that we play "Murder in the Dark", but everyone else liked the idea. We covered the window with a blanket and turned out the lights. One person was the murderer (we passed out cards that either made you a murderer or a towns person), we walked around in the dark and eventually the murderer would pretend to cut somebody's throat in the dark, and that person would fall to the ground. Then when we found the "body", the light would go on and we would try to figure out who the murderer was and then vote. We would keep going until we figured out who it was. It was scary but really really fun. We played for almost two hours... Then we went and laid out on the ground to look at the stars. I have never seen such bright and beautiful stars. We talked for a while. I (once again) jokingly made the suggestion that we go around and say something nice about everyone in the group, but I guess we all wanted a self esteem boost, so we did. Then I went back to the room with Susan, talked and then went to bed.

On Saturday we had an excellent breakfast. The water at lake Kivu looks like it is bright aqua from above, but the water is clear and you can see the bottom when you get close to it. There were islands out in the middle, and I felt like I was in some sort of dream-scape, it was so beautiful. We got in a long boat that looked like an over-sized canoe with a motor at the back. It was about a thirty minute ride to one of the islands. I spent the ride hanging over the edge of the boat to touch the water, it was so nice! We hiked to the top of the mountain. Our guides ran up and scared all the bats out of the trees and a big cloud of thousands of bats rose up. It was an amazing sight to see. I didn't really enjoy the hike. It was up a sttep rocky cliff and my legs got all shaky just trying not to slip and fall off the cliff. The top was pretty. Going down was a nightmare for me. The rocks kept slipping and I was the last one to finally get down to ground level again. We swam in the clear water for a while until the rain storm got closer and we had to go back for lunch. after lunch I went with Emily, Janae, Nathan, Vestine and Aryn to the resort next door that had a sandy beach. I swam and then fell asleep in the sun. Then we got some chocolate ice cream. It was a heavenly afternoon.

We came back for a 7pm dinner.. but it wasn't ready until 8:30. That is my biggest complaint about Africa.. the service for meals is always very slow. I think their tourist industry should do a little more to have meals ready on Western time schedules. I may sound insensitive or a little bit bratty saying this... but I can't go from 12 -8:30 without eating, and I don't understnd why we had to wait so long. I was feeling really sick and faint by the time our buffet was finally set up. We played Murder in the Dark again. Vestine came over to see what we were doing, and we felt really bad telling her we were playing Murder in the Dark.. seemed a little too insensitive to tell that to a Rwandan who lost loved ones in the genocide. So we tried to make it into tag in the dark, but we kept slipping up.. Went to bed around 11:30 after trying to kill all the mosquitos that were buzzing outside my mosquito net.

Sunday we got up and went to church. We got to introduce ourselves and they wanted to hear all of our names in case they had the same ones. If somebody knew someone with one of our names, they would come up and hug us. Nobody had ever met someone named Kendall or "Candle", haha. We got up and saing Sanctuary, Amazing Grace and Big House. The service was pretty long, but good. The sermon was about suffering, and the pastor tried to connect it to us by talking about Sept. 11th. After the service we played with a few kids outside and then packed up and drove home. On the drive back we pulled to the side of the road for our driver to buy something. A mother brought her baby up to my window and we shook and I held both of their hands for a few minutes until we had to leave. This drive was even more pretty, because I was awake for more of it. It was nice to get back to our house in Kigali.

Now we are on our way to the Eatern Privince for a week of field research. We will interview poor families for Food for the Hungry's program. We are staying at a local college and will have squatty potties and bucket baths for the week. Be back Saturday night!

This morning we thought we would be able to see the TIG camp so we all go ready to go, but Pastor Anastase was denied again (even though last night they had approved us). Oh well. First thing I did when I heard the news was get back in bed.

I worked on and off all day on my presentation for tomorrow. Dwight's class was good. We talked about next weeks field visits to conduct a study on Rwandan families. At dinner, Aryn told us that we are going to be living in dormitories with students close to our age. Squatty potties and bucket baths all week! Haha. We had a lot of laughs demonstrating our perfect squatty potty stance, and with a few people claiming that they were just going to hold it all week. I doubt that is a possible or healthy solution, but that's not my concern, I'm ready!

I spent the night finishing my part of the presentation. It's now 2am. I am waiting for my notes to print on our old, slow printer. Why does it print the pages in order going backwards? That means I have to reorganize every page! haha. I don't know if I am ready for the presentation.. We will see.

Tomorrow we give our presentations and then come back for lunch. Then we leave for Lake Kibuye for a weekend of relaxation and fun. I think they figured that our time here has been serious and difficult, so we need a break. I agree. I hope i feel okay, right now I have a sore tight throat and am very very tired. Talk to you all on Sunday!

Happy St. Patty's!

I wore green today in honor of my Irish friends.. We spent the morning waiting to hear from Pastor Anastase if we would be going on a field trip.

We had been hoping to visit a TIG camp today. These are camps where convicted genocide criminals live and carry out their community service. Rwanda did away with the death penalty.. so many of those convicted spend their time rebuilding and cleaning the country. I think it is a great system. We wanted to get a tour and possibly talk to some of the inmates about their experiences. Pastor Anastase wrote the TIG administration letters and gave copies of our passports to try to get us access to the camps. They denied him the first time because they had a group come and then write critical newspaper atricles attacking the camps, so they are reluctant to let Westerners in. Pastor kept trying. He called us after breakfast to say that he was at the office just up the street and that we should come up and wait with him, so that our presence might speed along the process. We sat in the hallway outside the office for a while, but nobody would see us so we gave up.

Pastor Anastase took us to the PHARP office that was nearby. We got to meet a group of young women who were learning to sew on ancient Singer sewing machines (the ones with the foot pedals - makes sense since electricity is not dependable). The girls sung us a song about being welcome. The clapped and a few of them danced for us. It was great! No better way to feel welcome than to have your hosts sing to you and then invite you to dance with them! We sat in a circle and had our class lesson. Pastor told us about the riches of the Congo. He said that there are people who live in rural villages that have piles of gold, but they don't know how to get them to the world market, so they are worthless to them. Very interesting.

We came back to the house for lunch (which I like a lot better than eating at the office). Then we had Dwight Jackson's class. As usual, it was very interesting. We talked about what we will be doing next week in the village we are visiting. We will be collecting field research for FH about the Rwandan families there that are considered "at risk" . More on that after I actually go!

Susan, Shelby and I watched The Lovely Bones. It was hard to watch. I am very easily disturbed by movies that pose real scenarios - such as the kidnapping and murder or a child. We ate dinner and then I had a very interesting conversation with Morgan, Ryan and Janae about our experiences here and how our expectations were and were not met so far.

I am learning so many things about myself. Here is a revelation about my personality that I just put into words. I am a very emotional person (I know.. nothing new there..bare with me). I am like a chameleon with emotions. I take on the emotions that others are carrying. I have the ability to feel intense joy as well as sadness. When others are hurting, it is almost as if I am sharing their pain, because I feel it too. I also have a hard time controlling my emotions, and they very often overwhelm me. In this sense I think I am a lot like a child. I may be mature, and intelligent, but I have a little child inside me that needs to be held and cared for. Being in Rwanda takes its toll on me. I am surrounded by incredible amounts of pain, and it hurts me as well! That is why, after class, I just want to lay in bed and watch a movie or sleep. The emotions of this trip are exhausting. I am quick to get teary eyed when kindness is shown to me or I get a hug. I miss hugs. Can't wait to get lots of them when I come home.

(Not sure why I felt the need to share that, but it's on my mind..)

Guest Speaker - Pastor Antione Rutayisire

This morning our bus was "bumpin' ". The bus drivers (I don't know why they need three) blasted American hip-hop on the way to class. It was awesome. I get so excited when I can sing the words to songs. When "Fire Burning" played I thought about camp and the weekly dances. It was a great way to wake up before class.

We had our best guest speaker so far- Pastor Antoine. He came to talk to us about the role of the Church in the Rwandan genocide. He was incredibly interesting and entertaining. he offended a few people, but I thought he was wonderful. Here is a list of things he said that I thought were notable:

• The Church's main problem was that it lacked consistency. It preached love, yet supported regimes that discriminated against people. It wouldn't risk speaking out against injustice.
• The Church as an institution failed, not God.
• Not all leaders or members of the Church do good. The Church is made up of sinners. "We all must have our Peters and our Judas' "
• God is not a policeman, he is a judge. God is love. Real love is only achieved though free will. God gave us free will so that we could actually love him, if we choose to. It would not be free will if he came in and stopped us from making the wrong decisions. And if he did stop us every time we did the wrong thing, we probably wouldn't love Him very much.
• We should not blame God when people misuse their freedoms
• Rick Warren came up with a PEACE plan - Plant churches, Equip servant leaders, Assist poor, Care for sick, & Educate younger generation. (PEACE)
• Westerners ask him why the Rwandan Church let genocide happen. Pastor Antione points out that we are in the middle of our own genocide. Our government and churches stand by and let thousands of innocent and defenseless babies get murdered each day because they are deemed a nuisance. Isn't that what Hitler did to the mentally handicapped and lame people that became a nuisance to the Aryan race?
• $1 a day would feed, educate and cloth a Rwandan child
• President Clinton came to Rwanda to give a pitiful 2million dollars to help widows and orphans. When he came he stayed at the airport because Rwanda didn't have nice enough accommodations for him. Wow. That made me embarrassed to hear.
• There are families where the children take turns getting meals because there isn't enough food, and just a few neighborhoods away, a rich expatriate keeps his five dogs well fed.

What Pastor Antione said really struck a chord for me. So much injustice!!

After lunch we had a guest speaker from FH talking to us about the CDC child sponsorship program.

Tonight our Owning Poverty session was about grief. We talked about how Americans, for the most part, don't know how to grieve, or help each other grieve. Why are we so quick to dismiss each others' pain? Why do we tell each other "Don't cry", "Don't worry", "Everything is going to be fine", "You'll be over this in no time"?? People need to grieve and cry!! We need to support each other in our sadness. Instead of talking about our own issues, or trying to give advice, or dismissing their feelings, we need to be a loving, listening and supportive presence.

Afterwards a few of us prayed together for each other. I burst into tears just wanting to go home and see my family and be there when my brother arrives from Haiti.

Worked on our group project a bit..

Rainy Days and Mondays...are better than burning hot Mondays

Today was really hot. It made me want some New England winter weather to cool off. Can't I ever be satisfied? Don't answer that.

Class was at the office. We were hurried out the door at 8:40 to meet our bus. We got to the classroom at five till nine and stood around grumbling to ourselves about how it is stupid to leave so early when our professor doesn't come until 9;15 and the door is never unlocked for us to go inside. Our first class crawled by. Three hours is entirely too long. I'll never complain about my hour and fifteen minute classes ever again. Lunch was sandwiches again.

Context for Development was great. Dwight is an amazing guy. We talked about his theories about development. You can give a man a fish, but as we all know, that will only feed him for a day. However, giving him that fish is appropriate in situations where there is no access to resources or opportunity to get them. Teaching a man to fish is only as good as his access to a stocked body of water. The best way to achieve development is to get business donors to sponsor the purchase of fish to stock a community pond, and then teach them to fish. This is only successful if the community does not have restrictions on who is allowed to fish..

I mentioned that I am a business major while asking a question. Professor Dwight said something like "well I am looking to hire a business manager for such-and -such a project...". I know he wasn't offering me a job, but I freaked out a little bit inside. I am two years away from getting a real job. Will I be able to do it? If Dwight hired me, would I be at all qualified or confident enough in my abilities to do it? I think I would, but for some reason the statement stopped me in my tracks and I don't think I have ever felt so acutely how much I still have to learn.

We came home and its was unbearably hot so we crawled in bed and napped through the afternoon heat. I woke up before dinner when Emanuelie's wife came with the bags I had paid her to make for me. One is a purse, the other is an overnight bag that looks like an African version of a Vera Bradley bag. The difference being that mine is a million times cooler because it was made in Africa, for $20 instead of $200, and I am supporting Emanuelie and his wife. Now I have more bags to carry things in!

After dinner we got out the cards and started playing (a nightly ritual in our house). I just learned Dutch Blitz, and I LOVE it. Cards have become our main source of entertainment and bonding. We get really heated over card games.. and I am sorry to say that cards (and crossing the street) are the reason I have started swearing. I'm sorry!! I swear I will clean up my language when I come home!!

Cassie and Ryan made the most wonderful brownies ever tonight. We have started a brownie fund for raising money to buy the chocolate. Rwanda is pretty expensive. Get me back to Uganda where I can buy gelato for 50cents!!

A Lazy Sunday

I was bad this morning and slept in instead of going to church. I got out of bed at 11 and lazed around the house trying to write a reflection paper for tomorrow and start research on my presentation for Issues of Peace-building.

Sara Groves and her team came to the house around 2 to pick up all of their luggage that they left here yesterday. There were 15 of them, and they all wanted showers. Unfortunately Ida had just taken all of our towels to wash so all we could find was three big towels and an assortment of hand towels. We visited with them while they repacked their bags. Everyone on her team was very friendly and sweet. They were down to earth, lovely people.

I was sad to see them head off to the airport. It was fun having a packed house (even more packed than the 16 of us that already live together). It made me homesick to see them heading back to the USA and talking about what they were going to do when they got home. I wish I could go home just for a weekend. I'm not going to lie, I can't help missing my loved ones! The good news is that home will still be there in two months when I am finished here. And I love Africa, so much.

Bedtime Story

Here is a short story I wrote for my friend tonight. I thought I would share it because I think it turned out pretty good, and surprisingly, it isn't a fairy tale about a princess!

Once upon a time, there was a little toy space ship. It belonged to a boy who loved to play with it an imagine it was real. That little boy grew up and gave it to his son, who gave it to his son.. and on and on until it got to a father who only had a daughter. Though the tradition was to pass the space ship toy to the sons, he decided that his daughter should get to play with it. This little girl had a very good imagination, and was also very clever. She loved the toy spaceship and played with it just as much as any boy had ever played with it. One day she lost a tooth, but instead of putting it under her pillow, she put the spaceship there instead with a note that said "Dear Tooth Fairy, since I have been very good this year, and brushed my teeth twice a day, please make this spaceship real for me. ps, I'll love you forever if you do!!". That night she had an amazing dream that seemed so real. She was the captain on her very own life sized space ship. She spent the night flying around and having wonderful adventures. When she woke up, the little girl found a note written in cute fairy font that said "Our imaginations are better than the real thing, so I made you an imaginary space ship that you can visit every night in your dreams". and from that night on, the little girl could play on a real spaceship any night she wanted. If only all those little boys that came before her had been so clever!
The end.

Good night. Sleep tight. Don't let the bed bugs bite. (or the Scabies.. that's what's going around over here ;) )

Guests for Lunch - Sara Groves !

I love Saturdays.

I slept in and laid in bed until 11 watching Star Trek for the second time. I LOVE that movie. I'm going to have to start watching the old episodes of it.

We started getting ready for our lunch guests around 11:15. Sara Groves and her band came for lunch at our house! All of the FH workers from the area came to meet them as well. We had a packed house. With Sara was her six year old son, Toby. He was the cutest little boy, and very outgoing. We played cards with him and he read Dr. Seuss' "One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish". Everyone was very friendly. Sara seems like a very normal and down to earth lady. I wish I had had more of a chance to talk with her, but she was busy talking to the FH workers. It was really fun playing with her son.

I completely made a fool of myself when I was talking to Sara Groves' guitar player. Here is how the conversation went:
"Great job playing last night!"
"Thank you"
"So, I hear you also play for Michael W. Smith"
"Yes, I do sometimes"
"Oh my gosh... that is amazing"
"Yeah"
"So... what's he like?"
"ummmm he's a good guy"
" I KNEW it!!"
...

Wow. What is wrong with me??

After they left we went back to our room and I finished Star Trek and then took a wonderful nap. There's nothing like a wonderful afternoon nap. Then we walked up to Star Cafe for dinner. This time we were pleasantly surprised that we only waited 45 minutes for our food to come and not one and a half hours like last time. Our food was good. We went to the grocery store and paid $2 for some ice cream in little cups that was so gross. I miss Ciao-Ciaos!! Get us some real ice cream up in here!!! That is the first place I am going to when we get back to Kampala.

We came home and watched The Blind Side. I love that movie. Now we are relaxing before bed.

Fridays and Sara Groves Concerts!

Last night I couldn't sleep. My mind would not stop. I was so excited about having a brother that I could think of nothing else. This morning I could not go to class. I have had too many sleepless nights this week and I just couldn't do it. I told Aryn to be my mom for a second and tell me what to do because I really do feel guilty when I decide to skip class on my own. I feel better when somebody tells me to. Aryn said I should sleep because I have been so tired lately. So I willingly got back in bed. I went with Ida and Emanuelie to bring lunch to everyone at the office, and then I stayed for our second class. The mayor of a nearby district came to speak to us about Rwanda's goals to be reached by 2020. It was interesting.

After class we came back and ate an early dinner. Our bus came to pick us up for the Sara Groves concert! We were a big group of students, directors, Vestine's friends that were our assistants around Kigali a few weekends ago, and our cooks, housekeepers and guards. Ida is just about the funniest lady ever. She was so excited to come out with us. She was in the back of the bus dancing with Puvii and Brittany and laughing. I can't really describe her, but she just makes me laugh so much! The concert was really great. Sara Groves was amazing. You can tell she is a sweet lady, and her music is great. We are excited because she and her band are all coming over for lunch tomorrow! SO cool.

We came home and I talked to dad and then mom. Now I am going to try to go to bed. Wish me luck!

I have a brother!

I just found out the most amazing news! I got an email from my mom...

Argusto is coming home! The Haitian prime minister approved him to leave the country. We will expedite ship his passport this week and he will get to come home as soon as possible after that! So basically we are looking at my brother coming home next week!

I am so amazed and happy! I am realizing how much I didn't believe it would really happen. But it is! God is so good! Dad met argusto when he was 12. He turns 18 in two days. What a great birthday present for him! I wish I could be there when he gets off the plane so bad!

I can't believe it! I have a BROTHER!!

Gacaca Courts visit

Today we went to watch a trial in the Gacaca Courts. The Gacaca courts are traditional community courts that were formed because the national courts could not handle the thousands of cases that needed to be tried. Without creating community courts, it would have taken more than 100 years to try every person who was involved in the genocide. Each community elects a number of trustworthy, fair and honorable judges that will hear each case and give a punishment.

We all crowded into the private taxi at 9am to leave. Fortunately, it broke down at our gate and the called a bigger bus to take us. We drove for two hours up into the mountains. The absolute best part of any bus ride we go on is seeing children. I love it when their faces light up at seeing white people and they run after us yelling "Mzungu! Mzungu!". I know I sound riddiculous, but I am truthful enough to admit that it's a self esteem boost to be a celebrity everywhere we go. I'll be sad when I go back to the States and peoples faces don't light up when I walk down the street. Haha. I spent a good hours with my head out the window waving at all the kids who were jumping up and down with huge smiles on their faces.

We got to the court room at about 11:30. They found the key to unlock the padlock to the squatty potty for us. I don't know why, but Vestine is always surprised by how often we use the toilet. Then we sat down in the small court room facing the table with five women judges. There were three men on trial. Two of them were wearing the pick outfit of someone who had been in jail. I think it is funny that they are forced to wear pink. The trials seemed to take forever. Pastor Anastase would translate what was going on and we would pass it down the line, telephone style. The person on trial would speak, and then any witnesses from the community would stand up and give their own input. It was very strange being in the same room with three men who were murderers. These men openly admitted to chasing down children and killing them, raping women, killing in churches...etc. Looking at them you would never think they were capable of such acts. But then, most of the perpetrators in the genocide were just average people.

We sat on those benches for four hours in the heat. I am embarrassed to say that I fell asleep, and I was sitting in the front row. I really couldn't help it. It was so hot and I didn't sleep well last night. I couldn't keep my eyes open. I do feel bad that the whole room was watching me nod off. (Though honestly, they were probably a lot more concerned with the trial, not me).

Our bus ride home was great because the driver blasted really fun music. He laughed at us singing along to the Backstreet Boys. :D We got home way later than expected. I was sad that we missed Dwight's class. It was 4:30 when we got to the gate. We mobbed the kitchen until Ida agreed to heat up the lunch we had missed. Chipote and beans with pili-pili hot sauce is my favorite lunch!

On a separate note - Ever since I got to Africa I have noticed my hair thinning out. I lose a lot of hair just by brushing it. I am wondering if it is my diet or something else? Any ideas?

Adventure to buy fabric

After the genocide memorials I spent some time resting, but then four of us decided to get out of our sad mood by going shopping for fabric.

Cassie, Linda, Susan and I walked up the road to find a taxi into town. While I waited for Linda to get money at the back I sat outside on the curb. Some guy sitting in the back of the car started hissing at me and then when I looked over he winked at me. Weird.. When we got to the bus stop and said we wanted to go to "mumuji" (town), all the taxi drivers' assistants started fighting over us. I got pulled in towards one taxi but then my friends were entering another so I had to say no to the guy that claimed me to come with his taxi. We got on and rode to town. Five minutes before we got there, the assistant told everyone to pay 180RF for the ride. Everyone saw us pay, but the assistant started giving Susan a hard time and asking for more money. When we got off the taxi he followed us and started yelling at us in Kinyarwandan. We kept telling him that we already paid and he knew we paid. A big crowd gathered and everyone was being loud so we got intimidated and paid again. We were so mad.

Fuming, we walked down the street and found some fabric shops. Most of the patterns were kind of weird but I found two that I loved. I hope that I will be able to make some nice things from them. We all got a little grumpy so we decided to go home. Back at the house we told Vestine and Grace (our director who is visiting for the week) about being ripped off on the bus. They both felt bad and said that next time we should get the number of the bus so that we can humiliate them by writing it in the newspaper. Good thinking!

After dinner we had a long Owning Poverty. Everyone reflected on what we have been experiencing here. It was good.

Love each other

Today we visited two more genocide memorials. Each site has been more horrifying than the last.

This first site was a small church. Tutsis gathered there, seeking refuge from the Hutus who were pursuing them. 5,000 people were murdered in and around the church buildings. As we walked into the main church, I involuntarily wrapped my arms around myself, as if I could hold myself together. On the back walls were shelves of skulls and bones. Hanging in the rafters and on the walls were the clothes of everyone who had died here. The bodies had been left to rot, but when there were only bones left, the bones were collected and buried or set on display, and the clothing was left for us to see. The walls had big holes that were from grenades. I found myself trying to picture a room packed with screaming people, as parents, siblings and friends were slaughtered. Only ten people survived, they hid under the bodies of the dead until the attackers thought the job was finished. Behind the main church was a Sunday school classroom that still had a big blood stain on the wall. The small building next to it was filled with debris. Only the bones had been removed after the people had been burnt to death. Making my way around the room I kept spotting little things like a piece of a mattress, a shoe polishing brush. I wonder about the lives of each person killed. I wonder who they would be today.

We drove a few minutes to another church. This one was a lot bigger. It was brand new when the genocide happened. The lady to spoke to us outside about what we would see was one of the ten survivors from the other site. I can't imagine reliving it every day. We walked in to see rows of pews piled high with clothing. For a while the bodies had been left of the floor and visitors had to walk on the pews to get around the church, but they had decided to collect the bones and bury them, and just leave the clothing for us to see. At this site, 10,000 people were killed. The walls were stained where babies were repeatedly smashed against the walls until they died. The cloth covering the altar was stained with blood from the pregnant mothers that were killed on it. There were steps down to a burial chamber for one woman who was raped and then impaled with a stick that was shoved from her private parts up through her mouth. She was buried in memory of all the women who we killed in such a way. There was a hole in the wall where a man hid his head for three days so that he would look like one of the dead. We sat down and reflected on what we were seeing until we were ushered to the back.

Behind the church we saw the concrete covers of the mass graves. There was a grave for an Italian missionary who had lived nearby. She had tried to get the world to notice what was happening by speaking on the radio and writing letters, but the Rwandan found out and killed her. There were stairs leading into the tombs so we went down to check them out. The first one was filled with caskets stacked up over our heads and just a little path for walking. I went down into the second tomb and it was like walking into a nightmare. I went cold with shock and fear. As I descended and turned to the right, I walked down a pathway lined with shelves of skulls and bones. I've seen skulls on the discovery channel or in school, but there is no comparison to being in a dark tomb surrounded by the crushed and burnt skulls of thousands of innocent people who were brutally murdered. People who would still be alive today, if it wasn't for hatred and discrimination. Once again, we were all quiet on the ride home. I was really surprised at myself for not crying. Tears were just beneath the surface, but for some reason they wouldn't come out. I think the reason I wasn't able to cry today was because (as Susan pointed out), I have never experienced this kind of emotion before. I was sad, but I was also absolutely horrified, confused and not wanting to believe that it really happened. I think crying would help me feel better, so I hope that once I have processed all of this I will be able to.

I think it is important for people to visit memorials like these, even if they are so disturbing. It was such a good reminder to love one another. Don't let differences divide neighbors from each other. Genocides like these don't just happen, their roots are deep. It always starts somewhere. Let's all do a better job of appreciating each other, and celebrating differences. Let's practice love, so that this kind of tragedy doesn't happen again.

Practicum Placement

I forgot to write about my practicum placement! I found out Sunday where I will be for the month of April.

I will be stationed in Kitgum with Cassie, Tim and Ryan. Kitgum is up in Northern Uganda, at the very top of the country. My job title is Livelihood Assistant. I will be working with women who are trying to make it without their husbands, and helping them find ways to support themselves. These women are widows, rape victims, or have left their husbands. Unfortunately, the society they live in is one where the man owns everything. These women need to find ways of making an income to support their families, and I have the privileged of getting to work with them (and hopefully some of my business knowledge will help me out).

We will be living in a compound with the same women I will be working with, and their children. There will be real toilets, electricity, and internet (when it works). I am happy with my placement. I am getting sad about having to leave all my other friends.

Only one wife!

Okay it has been a few days since my last post. I have been feeling a bit lethargic and not inspired to write, so I am forcing myself right now. It feels like so much happened this weekend.

Sunday -
Ryan, Linda, Nathan and I walked to Christian Life Assemblies. This is the church we visited last Sunday, home of the cell group (Bible study) that we went to Wednesday. When we walked in it was clear that it wasn't a normal Sunday service. The pews were labeled based on neighborhood in Kigali. We sat down in the Remera neighborhood, and sat with the other people from the small group. We all sung some worship songs, and then we split off into groups to meet our neighbors and get people to want to join a cell group.

Here's where I explain the blog's title. There is a joke in Rwanda that we hear almost every day. Apparently it is quite funny. Whenever somebody introduces themselves they say a variation of the following:
"Hello my name is ________. I have 4 kids and ..(awkward pause)... only one wife! hahaha".
Our guest speakers in class, our professors, even the people speaking to us in church yesterday said it! I guess it is the funniest joke ever.. it always brings a good laugh to the Rwandans present.

After church we had our night guard, Emanuelie, take us into town with his taxi service. We went to the Hospital to help out with Project Smile, which does operations on cleft lips. Unfortunately, we got there when they had finished for the day and didn't need our help. We said we would try to come back Thursday. So we went home.

We set up the projector in our bedroom and watched The Proposal on one of our walls. There were subtitles at the bottom that were very funny. It looked like someone had translated to Chinese and then back to English.


Today:

We went to class at the FH office. Our guest speaker in the morning was from the community courts system and told us all about the justice for perpetrators of the genocide. It is very hard to stay awake. African men seem to be very soft spoken, and their voices are very soothing. Our second class is a lot easier to be awake in. Dr. Dwight talked to us about research methods for when we go out into the fields in two weeks to do a week long data collection. We will be researching the Rwandan family. Should be awesome.

We came home and vegged all day. I have been way too tired lately. Not sure why.

Saturday in Gitarama

Today we got up early and a group of us took a private taxi to Gitarama, the second largest city in Rwanda. It was up in the mountains. We went to the FH office there and met some nice FH workers there and heard about their projects. One of them was called the Azizi Project, which helps women start atisan groups that sell their crafts to FH, which sell them in other countries. We got to look in their store and buy some crafts for ourselves. I bought some cool things but I am really worried about being able to fit them in my bag on the way home.

Next we drove to see the FH water treatment plant. Nathan, who is 24, is managing the plant and all its employees. I think it is so cool to think that someone so young is managing something so important! The plant was pretty cool, but I was more excited about the children who came to see us. They were absolutely adorable. At first they were very shy, but then I said "hello" and "how are you" in Kinyarwandan and showed them the picture I took on my camera and they were a lot more social.

We took the FH staff out to lunch in town. To make it easy, with faster service, we all ordered the general plate of traditional African food. My meal and strawberry juice cost me 1,500FR which is $3USD. Not bad! We got in the van and were home by early afternoon.

I watched a weird movie called The Maiden Heist with Kate and Aryn, and then talked to the family on Skype. I bought more Skype credit, because after almost two months of calling home a couple times a week, I finally used up my $10. Not bad! After dinner we all gathered in the living room to watch The Office with the projector. I LOVE that show. So I am really glad Emily is willing to buy it on iTunes for us to watch. Then I played Rook and listened to music with Shelby, Janae, Susan, Tim and Ryan. It was a lot of fun. And now it is time for bed...I wonder what tomorrow will bring.

"Lord you are good...

...and your mercies endureth forever" (that's the song going through my head right now)

God has been so good to me today.

We had classes at the house today. The first was very emotional, as we listened to our guest speaker recount his experiences of the genocide. It was so hard to hear him talk about his family being murdered, and almost more difficult to listen to his story of reconciliation and forgiving the people that killed them. (I will write a different post about that later when I have processed it more). In our second class we had a sort of debrief about everything so far. After class I watched a movie with Susan, Janae and Cassie. Then I called my aunt Amy's house to talk to my family. The whole family is in Colorado for my Opa's funeral today. When mom got on the phone I burst into tears. I wanted to be there with everyone so badly. It seems so wrong to miss the funeral of a grandparent. I also haven't seen the whole family together since Oma's funeral which was seven or more years ago. When I got off the phone I was sad and stressed about wanting to be home and feeling like Africa is unpredictable and what if I never see my family again? Sad and morbid thoughts, but there has been a lot of talk about death today with the guest speaker and the funeral.

The rest of the group had already gone out to eat. Cassie and I walked fifteen minutes down the road to join them at the restaurant. As soon as we sat down with everyone else and ordered drinks I knew something was wrong. My right eye started seeing colorful zig-zags and then my vision went blurry. I knew I was getting a migraine. Normally when I get migraines I could be in excruciating pain and stuck in bed for a day or two. We had ordered our food and Cassie offered that we could take it to go and get me back to the house. I was doing really bad. Getting nauseous and not able to open my eyes. Finally I told Cassie I couldn't wait any longer (it had been 45 min) so we left without eating and walked back. Cassie was really sweet and made up a story for me as we walked. I was a little nervous about how it was just two of us rich white mzungus walking down the street in the dark.

We made it back okay and I ran to the bathroom to throw up. Then Ida found me and said she could hear that I was sick and she made me some rice and yogurt to eat. I prayed to God that I knew he could take this head ache away if He wanted to so I really hoped he would. Then I fell asleep. When I woke up I felt fine! I have NEVER had a two hour migraine. It should have lasted all night and tomorrow but it's gone! God is so good!

Genocide Museum

How do you begin to talk about the tragedy that was the Rwandan Genocide? I have so many thoughts and questions in my head that I need to process, so this may not be very organized.

This morning we took a bus ride to one of the Rwandan genocide memorials in Kigali (there are many around the country, and more than one in this city). We were first shown the mass graves which are outside in a very pretty courtyard with flowers. The mass graves are big holes filled with hundreds of caskets. Each casket has around five bodies in it. They are covered with concrete slabs. Families that find the remains of a loved one can bring the bones to be buried here and give information to be collected by the researchers that work here.

Inside we walked through corridors and read about the history of the genocide. There was a mix of pictures and videos that had captions in Kinyarwandan, French and English. There was a room of bones and skulls on display. Another room had a collection of clothing, and a video of people talking about watching their families get killed. We saw long lines of photos of people who had died. All wonderful, valuable people, who were not given a chance to live long happy lives. Upstairs there was an exhibit dedicated to the children who were murdered. There was also an exhibit dedicated to every other genocide that has taken place in the world.


The hardest part of visiting the genocide museum in Kigali was the exhibit dedicated to the children killed. How does it happen that people who have their own children and brothers and sisters can see children and feel they have a right to brutally rape, torture and murder them? I was really emotionally affected by looking at the pictures of the children and reading their short biographies, especially their last words before they died. This is such a waste of human life. All of those beautiful children had futures and dreams that were cut short. It made me sick to think a human could do this to the young members of a society.

I think it was great that the museum had an exhibit for the other genocides that have happened around the world. It was chilling to see how many times throughout history one group has tried to eradicate the world of another. Race, age, and country have no affect on the ability of humans to do evil things to each other. It made me sick to see how the international community responded to the various genocides. Nobody wants to get their hands dirty, and nobody wants to admit guilt. There is nothing that should be able to justify not getting involved in stopping such atrocities. I was thankful to see that there are still good, loving people in the world. There was a wall dedicated to the stories of the people who risked their own lives to shelter Tutsis. These people set amazing examples of what it means to be part of them human community.
We were all completely silent on our bus ride home. Everyone was a little bit in shock and trying to process what we had seen. It is absolutely amazing to me that after such horrible acts of murder, the country has been able to forgive. The Rwandan government has been working to create unity. Rwandans are no longer allowed to identify themselves and Hutu or Tutsi. Everyone is Rwandan. Though the genocide will continue to haunt those that lived through it, it has only been 15 years and from the way it looks, people have forgiven each other enough to live peacefully together. I don't know how they do it. I keep asking myself if I would be able to forgive people that murdered my family and friends. I have no answer.

We got home and everyone needed space. We had to sit through our next class, when really, we should have been given time for personal reflection. On our ten minute break during class I laid down on my bed and and fell into a teary sleep. I really did not want to go back to class, I needed space and time to think, but I had to. after class I made myself some tea and listened to nice music while I did my homework and wrote this.

Cell group Bible study

My last blog ended with me heading for the cell group Bible study. (A "cell" consists of a few or many households in one area)

When Ryan and I left I was in a bad mood. I still hadn't shaken off my funk from earlier, and we were missing dinner. It was also raining and getting dark so slipped and dodged muddy puddles on our walk up the hill. Fiona was delayed by traffic and so we waited in the sogginess for a while. When she came we started walking down the road to the home of the cell group leader. We were let inside the gate of a compound that had a very nice building. The building was sectioned off into apartments so we walked up to the sliding door of the correct apartment.

We were let in to a simple, but very nice and spotless living room/ dining room. The house belonged to an Indian couple that go to CLA (the church we visited). They moved here 10 years ago, and both husband and wife are professors in Kigali. They were incredibly welcoming and sweet. We waited about an hour for more people to show up, but only one other Rwandan came, her name was Anita. Everyone else didn't come because it was raining. It seems that Africans really don't enjoy getting wet. The six of us talked for a long time. It was a lot of fun. We snacked on spicy puffed rice that was delicious. Hilde, the wife, is a nutritionist, so we talked a lot about food and eating habits. I mentioned that I was missing milk and so she jumped up and boiled me a glass of fresh milk. It was delicious! People here are the ultimate hosts, going completely out of their way to serve their guests.

We started the Bible study at least an hour and a half after we got there. They passed out sheets of music and we sang some praise songs together. American, Indian, and Rwandan voices raised together to worship God. It was great. Then we all gave testimonies of how God has been working in our lives. We also talked about the sermon given on Sunday and how we were being good stewards in our lives. Hilde was a very good listener. When she prayed for all of us she has such wonderful and insightful things to say about everyone in the group. I had a great time, and I plan on going back while I am here.

Anita drove us to our road, but it was too muddy and pot-hole-y for her to drive us the rest of the way, so Ryan and I walked. I was in a significantly better mood when I got back to the house. I ate some leftovers and played cards with people. I talked to Mom and then Dad, which was great. I am wishing them the very best as they travel to Colorado tomorrow for Opa's funeral.

On an exciting note, my brother Argusto, who is being adopted from Haiti, might be able to finally come home soon. We are trying not to get our hopes up, but Argusto had an appointment with the US Embassy to do one final review of his documents. If everything goes well, he could be approved to come to the US this week! We are praying that this is the case. March 13th is his 18th birthday. It would be amazing if he could be home for that. Say a prayer for us!

Tea Time and Classes

Last night we had our Owning Poverty session. We talked about prosperity gospel. Our assignment was to read an article written by a Rwandan about how the prosperity gospel could benefit Rwanda, and then respond. Then entire group expressed very passionate disapproval of prosperity gospel, and we were united in our distaste of the journalist who wrote the article. Prosperity gospel is believing that if you are a good Christian you will be blessed with prosperity. There are communities that believe that they are rich because they are good Christians and God shows them His favor by rewarding them. They form an exclusive congregation/club that requires a certain level of income to be a member. The writer of the article thinks prosperity gospel would be good for Rwanda because if people were left out of church groups because they didn't have enough money to be a member, they would be motivated to work harder and lift themselves out of poverty. This disgusts me. Any Christian who believes that God favors some over others and proves it by making his most faithful followers prosperous is missing the point of what Jesus tells us. Are they forgetting that the Bible clearly states that Christians will go through hardships and suffer in His name? What about "pick up your cross and follow me" in Matthew 16:24, or Jesus telling the rich man to throw away his worldly possessions to follow Him? If our wealth is supposed to be our gold star or badge of approval for being good followers of Christ, then surely God wouldn't have us give it away. We spent a good amount of time venting our frustration about this idea. Even if some of the principles of prosperity gospel could be used to motivate people to get out of poverty, the real and long term impacts of believing this about God could not bring anything but harm.

This morning I got up at seven as usual so that I could get ready quickly and have a relaxing breakfast. I had cinnamon and sugar toast, and corn flakes on yummy yogurt. I really have been missing my dairy products. I asked Vestine about why we don't get more milk the other day. She said that Africans think that white people don't like milk, so they haven't been buying it for us because they think we wont drink it. Interesting.. I had a wonderful cup of Rwandan black tea with milk and sugar before class. I am a little bit annoyed with myself for drinking so much black tea while I am here. I have always said that I wont become reliant on caffeine to wake me up, so normally I stay away from caffeinated drinks like coffee and black tea. I honestly can't help it here. there is nothing more satisfying than sitting on the front porch with a warm cup of tea and getting ready to start the day. We walked up to the bus stop (our first day doing it by ourselves), and caught our ride to Minagri (Ministry of Agriculture), and walked to class. Our first class was good. We have really been learning a lot about rwandan culture. Here are some interesting things I learned about Rwanda:
1. Rwanda is one of the most densely populated countries in Africa, though it is about the same size as Maryland, USA
2. Rwanda is working hard to promote gender equality. It is a law that women must represent at least 30% of public jobs, but the real number is about 49%! There are women mayors, members of parliament, prime ministers and the president of the Supreme Court is female. One difficulty that arises from this is domestic violence that occurs when powerful women have husbands that suffer from an inferiority complex.
3. More than 60% of the population lives on less than $1 a day. Imagine that? You spend more than that at Dunkin Donuts each morning.
4. One of Rwanda's values is secret keeping. This is an issue when it comes to witnesses in court, because people will not tell each others secrets.
5. Among African countries there is diplomacy, but not necessarily trust (which is the case around the world). The operate under the mindset that there is "no permanent friend or enemy in politics".

Our first class is three hours long. Three hours is a long time to sit when you are tired. Vestine was an absolute angel today and arraigned for tea and coffee to be brought to us for a break in the middle of class. I don't know how I would have stayed awake, even in an interesting class, without my tea. I drank two more mugs of it during class! When I get back to the States I will have to join the ranks of the other people who are addicted to caffeine! Not cool! Oh well, I will embrace it for now, as tea is part of the culture here. And it's just so good!

After a wonderful lunch, Professor Jackson came to teach us about the context for development. This is a fantastic class. I am really interested in what he has to tell us about the mistakes made by Western groups who want to use Western procedures and beliefs to create development in completely different societies from their own. For this class I will have to write a paper about Rwanda in 2025.. I definitely need to learn a lot more about development before I can make any judgments. Dwight said something funny in class today. He said something like "I have lived in this country for more than 20 years, and right now I know less about Africa than I did when I first got here. If you want to talk to "experts" about Africa who think they have the place figured out, talk to people who come on two week mission trips. Because the longer you stay, the more you realize that there is so much more to the culture than you'll ever understand". So true.

After class we planned to go to check out the crafts made by some women just outside of Kigali. Walking to the bus stop we had a big group argument about chivalry, and girls getting special treatment like having the toilet seat put down, or the door held for them. My stance is that whether or not men and women are equal, a man is a million times more appealing when he respects women and shows love and care to them by holding a door or putting the toilet seat down. It is good manners, and shows unselfishness. I don't understand women that get offended when a guy holds the door for them. Both genders should find ways to make the other feel special and valued. It is completely unattractive to me when a guy asks "why should I treat you any differently?" Sure it is a legitimate question, but I'll stick to my chivalrous men, thank you very much. For some reason the conversation really irritated me. I decided that since I was in a bad mood I would rather go back to the house and have some alone time to work on my frame of mind.

I am getting ready to go to a small group Bible study to meet some more Rwandans :)

I've caught the bug..

The Africa bug!! How could I avoid being contaminated with a passion for this continent!?

I am on a ten minute break between the first and second half of my Context for Development class and I can't contain how excited I am to be learning this. How could I not be completely fascinated with this country and its history. How could I not be completely caught up in a desire to learn about community development. There are so many new thoughts and questions in my head right now, it is overwhelming!!

Just had to tell somebody!!

...More later..

Our second, first day of school

I am currently wrapped up in a blanket on my bed, listening to "Wild Child" by Enya, and eating a delicious peanut butter cookie that Cassie and Ryan just made. I feel completely relaxed and at home. Hard to believe a month and a half ago I felt uncomfortable and homesick. This is my new life and I am loving it. :D ... Now for the reason you came, my daily blog. enjoy:

It was our second first day of school. I was really enjoying not having classes or stressing about homework. I got up at 7:15, showered, and then was ready to eat at 7:40. We started walking towards the bus stop (ten minutes up the road). Vestine surprised us by meeting us on our road with a bus she had hired to take us on our first morning. We drove to class which is at the Food for the Hungry office in Kigali. Our classroom is in a warehouse looking room that is filled with chairs. Our professor, Pastor Anastase {?}, arrived. I was the first to shake his hand, and was sure to touch my lower arm near my elbow while we shook as a sign that I respect him. He went over our class schedule. The class is Issues of Peace-building. We are going to be going to a lot of genocide museums and other field trips. I am especially excited because he is going to get us access to attend a trial for participants in the genocide. The government set thousands of genocide participants free from jail, to be tried by their neighbors in their village community courts. We will get to watch them tried by their neighbors who witnessed their actions. Should be really interesting. We will also have many guest speakers. My group is doing our class project on the response of NGOs before, during and after the genocide. I can't wait to get into the course material.

Our professor finished class two hours early so we hit the streets to explore. I started getting really hungry - never a good thing for me. We were standing on the sidewalk talking when some nice men walked up and asked if we needed help finding our way. We asked where the nearest market could be found and then walked back to find a snack. Then Vestine caught up with us and said our morning class was moved to the house so we could go home. We went home and had lunch and hung around until our next class.

Our Social Context for Development teacher is the country director for Rwanda. His name is Dwight Jackson, and he is from the US. I am really excited for his class. He has first had experience with NGOs, so I know we will learn a lot. He told us "don't let anything become the 'final truth' for you when learning the history of Rwanda". Everyone will have a different perspective that has elements of truth, but nothing should be taken as the final truth in our heads. He cautioned us not to state our opinions about the ways things are done in Rwanda, but to frame everything as a question. We can still make a point, but framing it as a question will be less rude. We really shouldn't make judgments anyways, since we don't know anything about life in Rwanda yet. This class looks like it is also going to be really cool.

After class I relaxed and talked to some friends online. It was nice. the weather here is perfect. Today was sunny but it was breezy which cooled everything off very nicely, like a summer night. I did some laundry and hung it out to dry. We spent a few hours watching season 5 of The Office before dinner. Dinner was a masterpiece. Ida, our cook, started preparing it yesterday. We had chicken curry, but with a twist. First the rice and the curry go on your plate, then you load it with diced banana, mango, pineapple, raisins, nuts, tomatoes, onions and shaved coconut. Aryn described it as making "Mt. Kilimanjaro" on your plate. They tastes were delicious.

One thing I love about Africa is the way people relate physically to each other. I love the way we shake hands; really gripping the others hand and putting meaning into the eye contact. Another example was today with Ida. I asked her if she thought it would rain because my clothes were outside drying. She grabbed my hand and walked me outside to the clothes line. Then she explained to me how i hadn't put clothes pin on my clothes so they kept blowing off the line. Even as she was semi-scolding me, she was holding my hand. I think this is just a really loving culture.

Alright, that's enough about today. Time for some rest