The stages of grieving are very similar to the stages of processing what we have seen and done in Africa this semester.
1. Denial- Pretending the tough things we have seen like poverty and genocide don't exist. It is so easy for us to tune hard things out because we don't want to feel the pain of admitting they are real. We live in an anesthetic culture- one that doesn't want to feel pain. But it's OKAY to feel pain. There are things wrong with our world that SHOULD cause us pain.
2. Anger- Being angry at the world, government, God..etc. This is a necessary phase that cannot be skipped if you believe that evil exists in the world. We need to be aware of our anger and watch ourselves. In what ways am I angry? How and to whom do I express it?
3.Bargaining- A way of trying to regain control. We reduce what we are seeing, and simplify reality so that we can fit it into a category and have control. What we should see from all of our experiences is how powerless we are to stop poverty and genocide completely.
4.Sadness- Realizing that things like poverty and genocide are real should make us sad. Poverty exists. Genocide exists. People really do treat each other like this. Sadness is real and important.
5.Ownership- This is compassion, not complacency. This is a real world. Everything we do has real consequences. Nothing in the world is fixed or permanent. This is good news! It means that everyone can make a difference just by doing something!
Do you believe that the power of the living God is within you? Then show it! Make some sparks fly!
The outcome of GoEd Africa is not understanding.. it's ownership! It's the loss of sleep we will feel when we have names and faces circling around in our head, and knowing that we can make a difference in the lives of the people we have met.
When we get back to the States we should be changed people. This is the kind of experience that "messes up the furniture". If there aren't apparent changes, we probably aren't processing what we've been through.
We split into groups and I was the only one that was in the Anger stage of processing. Michael came over and talked with me about it. I am a passionate person, but normally not an angry one. Right now I have a hard time not being set off by things in the USA. It fills me with righteous anger when people don't understand how completely blessed they are. It really disgusts me the way people in our country can be so rich have so many possessions, and lose sight of everything that is really important. When people complain I just want to shake them and tell them to gain some perspective. Really? You hate our government? Go live under a military dictator and tell me how you feel after that. Look around you! You don't have to go to Africa to see neighbors that are suffering and in need. Sometimes I think that the entire USA is in a state of denial. .. Okay, I think you get the point. I am in the Angry phase. Michael and I talked about how the anger is real, but we have to be gentle and loving with people, even if they do need a good shaking. He said part of loving people is leading them in the right direction, framing criticism in a way that lifts people up to their full potential. I really hope that I will be able to hold my tongue instead of hurting people with my honest thoughts.
I asked Michael if I would every be comfortable again. He said that it's important to remember that we are all pilgrims on our way to the Kingdom.. we are just passing through, so we should never be fully comfortable on this Earth. Maybe we aren't ever supposed to feel content with the world.
It was a really good session. Just talking about my anger showed me how much passionate frustration I really have.
This morning we had our own little church service. We sung some songs and everyone shared something. Instead of speaking, I played this amazing song by Nichole Nordeman called "Gratitude". Look it up. It is a song that really speaks to me when I think about this semester. We spent a lot of time talking. Ate lunch ( I was psyched about sandwiches that had CHEESE in them). I packed my suitcases, and believe it or not I have one checked bag that is under the weight limit, and two carry-ons that are not as heavy as I thought they would be. We played volleyball. It is so much fun to play when everyone is horrible at the game, because then it is okay to look like a spaz when you do a turning leap to hit the ball in the wrong direction. Cassie and I watched Sherlock Holmes. We ate dinner and then watched some other strange movie that I didn't pay attention to. Now it is time for bed.
I can't believe that I will be home in less than 5 days.
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