Bags are packed

The last few days have been joyously relaxing. I have done a lot of napping and watching movies. There are more than a few things that I love about our Kigali house, but right now, I am just ecstatic to have a real toilet, showers and Aidah's cooking!!

We were going to leave Friday for Kampala, but Aryn went to buy our tickets and Friday was sold out so now we are leaving Thursday. We leave half of our group here for their internships. The half of us going to Kampala will be splitting up on Tuesday to go to our separate sites. Only one day left together. It's really sad. Time has flown by so quickly!

Today I went to Kimironko market with Susan to buy fabric. Riding public transportation is not my favorite thing to do. It requires a lot of squeezing in to a small space, and then getting out and rearranging every time somebody is let off. Kimironko was bustling with people. We headed towards the fabric section. I immediately saw some patterns that I liked and haggled the prices down. There is nothing more satisfying than walking away and then having the person pull you back and accept your price. I saw a really pretty pink tie-dye wrap with beads on the ends. I bought it, but then quickly felt buyers remorse as I saw the other colors of the same thing that other booths had. I asked a different shop keeper if I could trade my pink one for her blue one. All the women around burst into laughter and continued thinking it was hilarious for another ten minutes. Then one lady came up with a blue one and exchanged it with mine, so I did end up getting the color I wanted.

We came back for lunch and then did some packing. Why did I only bring a small duffel bag, shoulder bag, and a back pack? I can just barely fit my souvenirs from Rwanda in.. let alone the ones I left in Uganda, or the ones I plan on buying Friday at Friday Market. This is not good! He had dinner and then our last Owning Poverty session. We talked about our time together and our fears and expectations about practicum.

Tried to work on my paper that is due Wednesday at 10pm.. failed. better luck tomorrow :)

Akagera Safari and Kigali at last!

Saturday-

I jumped out of bed when I realized we were going home and I quickly packed my suitcase, used the squatty potty one last time and ran to the van. i wanted to get a decent seat for the ride home and the safari. Aryn shouldn't have been surprise that our group was all at the van waiting for her. We were all so incredibly ready to leave. We piled in and hit the road.

We got to Akagera game park around 7:00 am for our safari. I had been a little bit reluctant to go because I wanted to get back to Kigali, but it was SO worth the few extra hours and the $35. We got to drive down onto an open grassland and get out to take pictures of the zebras and giraffes. My African experience is now complete, I had been waiting to see a giraffe. We got to get so close to them!! Giraffes are so majestic! I love them so much. And nothing is cooler than seeing them in their natural habitat. I'll never appreciate a zoo again! I can't believe I was 100ft away from a real, live tall giraffe. Zebras are also really cool. My camera doesn't always take very good pictures, but I got a few really good ones.

We picked up a Rwandan named Tito that needed a ride to Kigali, and drove back to the city. Aryn pre-ordered some pizzas from Sole Luna, and really good restaurant. We got there and before they staff could finish passing out plates, we had already devoured a third of the pizzas. The fifteen of us ate thirteen pizzas in twenty minutes. It was fantastic.

I was so happy to see our house in Kigali. I don't think you can truly appreciate how wonderful a toilet is until you have lived a week without one. And my bed!! My beautiful, wonderful, comfortable bed!! And technology! It's safe to say I was glued to my lap top for the rest of the night catching up on emails, figuring out housing for next year, and uploading pictures. Aidah (I've been spelling it Ida this whole time) is amazing. I love that woman. She made us enchiladas and SALAD and chocolate cake for dinner. I don't think she knows how much we missed her. All week everyone kept saying how they couldn't wait to get home to Aidah. I had been in such a hurry to leave this morning that I didn't brush my hair.. and I didn't brush it all day until I went to bed. It's good to be home!

(looking good after waking up at 4:30 and not brushing my hair and sleeping in the van)

Coolest animal EVER

Field Research week- Friday

(copied from journal)

Friday-

Thank God I made it to Friday. I just want to be in a comfortable place again.

Everyone was is a pissy mood this morning. The drive to our interviews feels longer and more uncomfortable every time we have to squeeze into the taxi to do it. We were all tired of the interviews. I am sure this all sounds immature, and people who weren't with us probably wonder why we disliked this week so much. I personally didn't mind the interviews. I was happy to know that each one helps FH guide their aid and development work to be more affective. But it is hard to have such extreme poverty shoved in your face. Our mornings are filled with coming to terms with how poor, sick and hungry most Rwandans are. I can't speak for others, but I know I certainly felt a lot of guilt when I thought back to my home in America, and how much I have that these people will never see in their lifetimes. Then having to spend the nights at TTC where we could never be alone, or have privacy. We spent this week tired, hungry, and feeling dirty and smelly. We were stared at wherever we went, and could never feel normal or at ease. It's just been a tough week, and there were points where I didn't think we would make it to the end.

Our interviews were in a new district today. All the neighbors were interested to see us. I think this area must have almost no contact with white people because all the children surrounded us and were touching our arms and hands, fascinated to see if our skin felt the same as theirs. During one interview, two adorable little girls climbed all over me rubbing my arms, and playing with my hair. they would take my long hair and put it on their heads and pretend that it was theirs. Then they would fix it by putting it behind my ears, and looking at my earrings.

During the third interview, I was asking the questions. I asked how many meals the family eats a day. The father replied that when crops are good, the family eats two meals a day, but when they are bad, they all only eat one meal a day. This week I have been mostly able to put this kind of information into the back of my mind to get through it, but I nearly lost it today. Tim and Cassie were on either side of me and noticed that I was having a hard time. I started tearing up. They both leaned of and wrote "hang in there" on my paper. I made it to the end, but it was tough. At the next house, the older woman who we interviewed look at me and asked me to pray out loud for her because she has one eye that is blind. I get really nervous when I am asked to pray on the spot. I don't know why but I just get stage fright or something. But I said the best prayer I could come up with and prayed with a shaky voice. I hope it was okay. I've never been one to create long winded and drawn out prayers. Mine are always short and simple. We interviewed one household where I didn't like the people we met. The two sisters that lived together kept leaving the room with a stick and beating the neighborhood children that were outside trying to watch. Most of the families have been so kind and children seem to feel free to come sit inside houses to watch, but not with these two women.

We got out last six interviews done before lunch and then met up with the group. We were all ecstatic to be finished. We went back to TTC and I laid in bed for a while. I got really homesick. Yesterday I had written a list of all the foods and activities I missed from home, which didn't do much to make me feel better. I listened to my iPod and tried to nap. I called my mom at work from my cell phone. It was so relieving to hear her voice. I could talk for long because it was expensive, but I needed some encouragement to get through the rest of our last day. Only one more month until I get to go home and see my family and friends! I am building it up in my head, but I also worry about re-entry. How will I face the lavish life I have been give? The richest family we interviewed made about $30 a month for the entire family to live one. Every penny was spent of schooling and food. So many parents going hungry so that their children can eat. Why was I so blessed? Why am I having such a hard time processing what I am seeing? Sometimes I am really interested in how people are able to live on so little, sometimes I block it out, but I always feel like I have fountains of tears inside that are bottle up beneath the surface.

I took a walk with Morgan, Rachel, Ryan and Nathan. When I came back I was invited to visit with some Rwandan girls in their room. Everybody thinks my name is Candle. It's funny. They showed me their picture albums of their families and wanted to know why I didn't bring a picture of myself for them. It was really awkward for me because if I commented that somebody was pretty, the girls would ask "prettier than me?". They kept insisting that I had to give them something of mine for them to remember me by. They kept asking me for things. It wasn't fun anymore. I hate feeling like my friendship is conditional on what I am going to give people here. I feel like I can't be friends with people here without them wanting something from me. Then one girl said to me after only ten minutes of talking "Candle, we are friends. I love you. I would like to sleep in your bed tonight". I avoided that one and changed the subject. There is no way that I feel comfortable sharing my bed with anyone I don't know, let alone somebody who sleeps naked. AWKWARD!

I went to choir practice with one girl for a few minutes and then went to eat dinner. When the food came out something smelled like manure, and we were all wondering what smelled so bad. The I got to the pot of meat and realized that the meat was what smelled like poop. I'm not exaggerating, we were all gagging. (Don't worry, we were left alone to eat so we weren't offending anybody. We asked what the meat was and were informed that it was cow tongue and cow intestines. I couldn't do it. All I had was a few sweet potatoes. We were all in a funk after diner and just wanted to go home.

Aryn had coordinated with one of the Rwandan leaders, Joseph, for us to have a little festival with the students to share dances from our culture. We practiced some line dances and learned The Superman dance. A huge crowd came to the dining hall. Joseph got up and gave a speech. He said "I am happy that you have not yet overstayed your welcome. We would like for you to stay at least one or two months more with us." If was funny because our whole group forced a "Hah" sound. We performed our dances, and Rob sang the American national anthem. Then the Rwandan students made our acts look like jokes (which the were because we did the Macarena and the Soulja Boy Superman dance). They did their amazing traditional dances and then invited us to try to do them as well. It was really cool. Then Joseph got up to announce that is was now time for "general dancing". We were excited at first because we thought everyone would join in. Then Joseph announced that we would begin with the American boys choosing female partners from the school's staff, and the Rwandan male staff members picking American female students as partners. Why did it have to be so formal?! So we had to dance with our partner in front of a huge audience to American R&B music. It was very awkward. After the first dance only a few other students joined in. A bunch of guys kept dancing with me and some of them got a little bit fresh so I would leave them and try to dance by myself. I felt really uncomfortable that we were basically dancing for an audience. I left after a few songs to take a bucket bath and go to sleep. Tomorrow we get up at 4:30 am to leave. We are going on a safari on our way back. I can't wait to get to Kigali.

Field Research week- Thursday

(copied from journal)

Thursday-

Dwight told Aryn last night that now he needs us to finish at least 100 interviews by the end of the week. So in the typical American fashion of doing the bare minimum, we figured out that we would only need to do five today and and five tomorrow to fill our quota. We decided to power through our interviews before lunch and then be done for the day.

Once again, I met some incredibly cute babies today, and I would adopt them all if I could. I wish I could give them all a bath, clean cloths, a pair of shoes and a good meal. Our interviews took us until 12:30 to complete. Tim reached into his pocket and pulled out a handful of g-nuts to eat. He didn't realize until he had started chewing that he had also picked up a liquid Advil that had been in his pocket. So his whole mouth went numb. It was funny.

We got back and I took four hour nap. In the afternoons I really just want to be alone and sleeping is a good way to escape how uncomfortable I feel and how hard it was to see the poverty. We had dinner. I feel bad that we get decent food and the students here have the same thing every single day. I felt sick from eating too much. Susan and I visited a room of girls. They were very sweet and asked us a lot of questions about the US. They keep asking when we will pay for them to come to America. My response is always "if you buy your ticket and come to America, you are welcome to stay with me". They had bought a pineapple in town and wanted to share it with us. It was the best tasting pineapple I have had (and we have only been eating starches potatos, beans and rice, so having fruit was awesome). Poor Susan doesn't like pineapple so I tried to eat most of it. It was pretty awkward when the girls told us that our lives have been so much easier than theirs. It is totally true, but how do you respond to that? "I'm sorry" ?

I typed up my interviews and then played cards with my friends. Went to bed early again

Field Research week- Wednesday

(copied from journal)

Wednesday-

I slept well last night, probably because I was so exhausted from yesterday. The Rwandans got up at 5am again and turned on the lights. Puvii got up and turned them off again, so the students shuffled around in the dark until 6am. On thing that makes me uncomfortable is that the Rwandan girls walk around our dorm all morning naked or half naked. I am a pretty modest person, so I feel really awkward waking up to a bunch of naked girls mopping the floor. The guys in our group don't have a nice new bathroom to use, so they are doing worse than us, because they are very uncomfortable and apparently the guys dorms smell horrible. They said the guys get up at 5am too and dance around to the radio naked. Joy.

At our first interview today, we asked a young girl questions about her family because her parents were out in the field working. Her 50-something year old father came home at the end of it and was very excited to see us. He asked how old I was and didn't believe that I am 20. Then he had Felix tell me that I am his white wife. He shook my hand at the end of the interview but wouldn't let go and led me by the hand to our next interview which was pretty awkward. Then we kept trying to play with my hair and take pictures of me. WEIRD! I was polite, but inside all I could think was "Stay away from me, and go hit on somebody your own age!"

I saw the most adorable children and got to hold a beautiful baby that I didn't want to give back. We did four interviews before lunch and two after lunch. Today went a lot better than yesterday did because we weren't as tired and cranky, but it was still at least emotionally exhausting.

We came back and took naps again. Then we played volley ball with the students here. Our game attracted a big crowd. Everyone laughed at my spastic jump when I try to hit the ball. I can't help being completely uncoordinated! Dr. Dwight, Nathan from FH, and a businessman came to say hi. They are in the area finding a place to build a resort/safari lodge to make jobs for people. In America, we tend to dislike developers that want to plop a bunch of building down on what used to be a nice field, but here it really is a great way to help people get jobs. Here we want development.

We ate dinner and then I went to some of the rooms to talk to the students. The girls were very nice. Then I helped type up our information from today. I took another bucket bath. a bunch of girls came and sat on my bed and asked me to pray for them. then they took my journal and started reading it out loud and writing down the vocabulary words they didn't know.. Thankfully they read from the beginning, when I was still at orientation. There was no sense that my journal might be private. Then they brushed my hair, which was awesome. They can play with my hair as much as they want as far as I am concerned, I love that.

I miss American food. I miss personal space. I am normally very happy to be surrounded by people, but here we just get stared at all the time, and I am so emotionally drained from the day that I want to be left alone. This is like going to a very uncomfortable summer camp.

Field Research week- Tuesday

(copied from journal)

Tuesday-

I had a horrible nights sleep. We went to bed very early last night, but the Rwandan students stayed up with the light on until at least midnight. The were talking at 2am, and then turned the lights on at 5am and started mopping the floor. All morning until I got up at 6:45 I could hear the mops banging up against the bed frames as they tried to get under our beds. I was really cold and grouchy when I got up.

Breakfast was eggs on chipote, with milk tea (boiled mile with tea and sugar mixed in). We drove about a half hour to pick up our interpretors who stayed in the village for the night. half of our group waited for the others to get dropped off at their site, and for the taxi to come back to get us. We sat around outside a some sector government building (I think). a huge crowd of Rwandans gathered and stared at us. I think they must have Mzungu sensors, because a crowd always gathers wherever we go. I took a picture of a really adorable girl that was playing in the dirt, then some guy came up and told me I needed to pay them for the picture I just took. I apologized, and stopped taking pictures.

We went to three households with Felix to do interviews. The interviews were about five pages long, and had various questions about the households and their health, educations and financial situations. One of us will ask the questions for Felix to translate, while the other two write down observations in a notebook, or play with kids. The families were all very poor. The first interview we did was with a man who was a widower. he was very friendly and joked that he didn't need to keep going for HIV tests.. because (duh), his wife died. Cassie, Tim and I were a good team. all of the families were very nice to us, and the neighbors were curious to see what we were doing, so they would stand nearby and watch. People seemed to laugh a lot when we asked if they went for Family Planning.. most families had about 10 children. The children in the village were excited to see us and wanted to play with us or just look at us. It was hard to see such beautiful kids be so underfed, and clearly suffering from skin infections and other illnesses.

We were all very tired when it was finally lunch time ad we met up with the rest of the group. We at what the school had packed for us - two tree tomatoes, a piece of bread and a hard boiled egg. Not very filling. Everyone was in a terrible mood and wanted to call it quits for the day. We decided that since everyone had completed at least three interviews, it was time to go back, because we were all too tired and grouchy to do any more interviews.

We got back to Matimba and got in bed. We all took about a three hour nap, that was really satisfying. I spent about thirty minutes talking with some Rwandan girls. It was a little bit awkward because of the language barrier, but I was happy that they seemed to want to talk to me. At dinner we met the school's only American teacher. Her name is Susan and she is here with a program called World Teach. She was very sweet. I have so much respect for her, I think she must feel really lonely and isolated out here. Dinner was pretty good. I felt dizzy and sick, probably from dehydration. I typed up the interview I did today on Tim's laptop. Poor Tim had the snacks he had brought with him stolen from his bag while we were gone. He was really upset. I would be mad too if somebody went through my bag and took my stuff, especially food because we are always hungry here. But I guess I can't blame the students for wanting to eat something that wasn't beans, rice or porridge.

Vestine and I too a jerry can to get water and take bucket baths. I love Vestine, she is very funny. She definitely does not enjoy roughing it. My bucket bath was surprisingly satisfying. I used a bowl with about a gallon of water in it to wash my body and my hair. I was very proud of myself for being able to use so little water. The only negative to bucket baths is that it is cold water, so I didn't feel as clean as I would have if it had been warm. The Rwandan girls told me I was sick when I came back into the room. I told them I wasn't and they kept insisting that I was sick. Then one of them said that they saw me taking a pill. I realized that they thought my malaria pill was medicine. I explained that the medicine prevents me from getting malaria. It was nice that they were concerned.

Field Research week- Monday

There is a lot to write about this past week, so I am going to copy most of it from my journal. Enjoy:

Monday- Today we drove four hours to the Eastern Province of Rwanda. We will be interviewing "at risk" families in the communities that FH supports so that the organization can have a better idea of what their program should be focusing on. We have gotten really spoiled riding our nice big bus to school everyday, so we all groaned when we saw the small taxi that we would be riding in this week. (Picture a van that a little bit bigger than a mini-van, more box shaped, with four rows of seats in the back. It is impossible for anybody to be comfortable because the benches are so close together that only a child's knees wouldn't be squished up against the seat in front of her). These taxis bearably sit three to a row, but we had to fit four to a row. I was lucky and claimed a seat in the front row, which has more leg room. We stopped halfway to wait for the truck that was carrying our luggage to catch up. We got out and went to use somebody's latrine. When we got out, a big crowd gathered to look at us. One girl that was mentally ill came up to us and starting wailing and screaming at us. She grabbed at our belongings and was trying to take our stuff. Our driver kept pushing her back. It was a little bit scary, but also very sad.

We got to Matimba and went through the gate onto the compound for the TTC (teacher's training college). It was like pulling into a summer camp. There were big concrete buildings full of bunk beds, and a few classrooms. All of the students here are between the ages of 17-24. They crowded around to great us and then helped us bring our bags to our rooms. We are staying in a big concrete room full of other female Rwandan students. The girls that have bottom bunks gave them up for us and shared the top bunk this week. They helped us make our beds and folded our sheets in cool designs for us. They were friendly, but very shy, and I think nervous to use their English to talk to us. They kept asking how old I was and ten laughing when I said 20, because apparently I look 16. We went to use their latrine and I almost threw up. It smelled worse than any one I have used yet, and the hole in the ground was crawling with flies. I almost cried because I couldn't imagine using it for a whole week. I can deal with roughing it, but I can't handle having unsanitary and smelling latrines. Luckily we found out later that they had built brand new latrines with porcelain squatty potties (basically a porcelain bowl in the ground to squat over), and they were going to open it for us to use. I almost cried again with relief.

We went to a classroom and, Joseph, the head of discipline, told us all of the rules. We also talked about tomorrow and split into our interviewing groups. I am with Cassie and Tim, and our interpretor's name is Felix Safari. We went to the dining hall for dinner. It is a new compound, so right now the dining hall only has three tables and we were the only ones to eat in it. The students take their food back their dorms. Thankfully their cooks prepared us a different meal than what the students normally eat. We got sodas (I love Citrus Fanta). They made us rice, sweet potatoes, matooke, and some kind of sauce to put over it. It was pretty good. We were very hungry, because they didn't have dinner ready until 8:15. I got in bed at 9:30 and went to bed.